"Death is just a new beginning"

Free

I'm free!
Free to do what I want
When I want
Free to be who I am
Who I want to be
No judgment
No labels
No longer afraid
Of what tomorrow will bring
I'm never looking back
Never going back
Because now
I'm Free!

My Smile

Why is life so cruel?
I've never had an easy life but it was a happy one.
Growing up in my family had its difficulties yet we still somehow managed.
I was born a happy child yet my smile became fake along the way.
It all started during Junior High.
Many girls would think having a boyfriend at such a young was cool and awesome.
I thought so too when I got my first boyfriend.
Yet I didn't know that it meant trouble as well.
My smile started to fade then.
He raped me.
I never told anyone about it when it happened.
My parents to this day don't know.
When I was in High School I got my second boyfriend.
I told him about what happened and told him about my status.
Yep that's right I am undocumented.
He didn't care and even when I broke up with him because I was scarred
That my status would be the reason why he would leave.
He wouldn't let me go and I loved him for that.
So I stayed with him and slowly my smile came back.
During my junior year in High School,
I took up a job at a bakery and was sexually harassed by a coworker of mine.
Once again my smile started to fade.
I left the job.
Only my mom knows about this one.
My boyfriend was still with me and helped me to regain my smile back slowly again.
I went to college and graduated.
My boyfriend after 9 years and 4 months of being together dumped me.
My fear came true.
Dumped because of my status.
Isn't that something.
The one person who I thought would NEVER hurt me.
Wounded me the most.
My smile is gone.

I Will Never

I will never be able to escape this darkness.
I will never be able to escape my fears.
I will never be able to escape my demons.
I will never.

Cry

Cry they tell me
Cry for what?
Cry your feelings out
Cry for what?
Cry your hurt out
Cry for what?
Cry your anger out
Cry for what?
Cry your sadness
Cry for what?
Cry for yourself
Cry for what?
Just cry
So I cry

Never Again

Never once was I good enough
Changed my values
Changed my beliefs
Changed my image
Changed myself
And for what?
Every time I changed
I was never good enough
Changed so much for him
For what?
To get kicked in the ass
Tossed like a rag
Dumped in the end
Never again
Will I change for a man
No
Not a man
He was a boy
Who doesn't even know what he wants
Said he loved me
All lies
Never again.

Breathe

I'm alright
I'm alright
I'm alright
Breathe
Just breathe
Don't think
Don't feel
Just breathe
I'm alright
I'm alright
Just breathe
Don't think
Don't feel
Just breathe
Don't feel
Frio
Frio
Frio
Turn your heart cold
Don't think
Don't feel
Just breathe

Sick

I feel sick
I feel like vomiting
Sick to my stomach
I hate this feeling
I hate it
Please help me
Please make me normal
Please
Ugh
I feel sick

Be Happy

Be happy
Don't cry
Don't worry
Everything
Will be alright
You will survive
Be happy
Don't cry

Why?

Why is he like that?
Why did he hurt me?
He said he loved me
But he never did.
Why hurt someone you love?
Why prolong the pain?
Why can't I be happy?
He was my happiness.
He was my life.
He was my everything.
I gave him everything.
I changed myself.
I was so stupid.
Why did he hurt me?
Why?
I just don't understand.
It hurts
It hurts so much.
I want to cry
But I don't want to.
I want to hate him
But I can't.
Why hurt me?
Why?

He Tells Me

He tells me to be myself
Yet when I am
He gets angry.
He tells me to behave
Yet when I do
He gets annoyed.
He tells me to be true to myself
Yet when I am
He gets bothered.
Then What should I do
To please him?
What should I do
To satisfy him?
Don't know
But keep on changing.

Cluless

Don't make him angry
My brain says.
Don't make him dislike you
My heart says.
Treat him kindly
My body says.
Love him dearly
My soul says.
What should I do?
My existence says.

HURTING

I'm losing myself
I feel like I'm going back
Back to my old self
With all those cuts and bruises
I'm afraid of hurting myself
I try so hard to stop
But the urge is overpowering